Friday, January 20, 2012


So being only on Tumblr just didn't work out the way I wanted; I missed being here. First off, what drew me back. Tonight I started skimming through my old posts and now I've begun tearing up now. Just seeing all that God has done in me since day 1 is so humbling and yet seeing how in love and passionate about my new found salvation breaks my heart. It shatters me to know I'm not there anymore, and I don't understand why or what led me here. I have no one to blame but myself. As always I got in the way of me. It's basic math, easy solution, remove myself from the equation. Go back to making my life all about Him. I can tell you right now, I am laying in bed listening to a band called Starfield. The last 3 songs have just broken me completely.

Some of the lyrics:
"I want to get back to where it all began, When I would long for only You. Like a child I'll take You at Your Word, as these mountains of doubt, they fade away. I'm longing to trust and love You more, so for me this is beautiful. A brand new thought, and a brand new world, can I stay here forever with You? I've lost sight of what first drew me to the love that pursued me" - "Can I Stay Here Forever" - Starfield

"So, I want to let go. I want to let You know all that I have to give is Yours" - "All For You" - Starfield

"For what do I have, if I don't have You, Jesus" - "Cry in My Heart" - Starfield

Christ, You have been faithful to me always. I see throughout since day 1, when I pulled over that night broken and meek, just crying, screaming for You in sweet surrender. You have held up to be everything You said You are. You have changed me and everything around me. You have loved me, embraced me, led me, comforted me, built me up, given me a firm rock to stand upon. You have been everything You said You are and more, yet I find myself today having forgotten all that. Yeah sure, I've been praying and serving, occasionally reading and doing the things I should. Yeah sure I haven't become some heathen or terrible example of a Christian, but somewhere along the way I lost myself in myself. I have forgotten who You are and what You've done for me. I forgot who I am in You. I've allowed disappointments to lead me from loving and trusting You, not realizing that Your sovereignty has been there all along, showing everything has been for my good. So God, I come to a place of seeking grace again. I ask You to engulf me in Your mercy again. I ask that I lose myself in You. I want to be for You, about You again. I give You back all my trust, You deserve it. Even if I had nothing, I have You and that is enough!
that is so true and for that I thank You

with love,