Monday, October 17, 2011

Moving On.

I think it's time to retire this blog. I think I'm going all on in on Tumblr. Follow me at
Thank you for following and reading. I hope it served it's purpose in helping others.
Yours Truly, Adam

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

fight from your knees

Fight from your knees and the giants will fall. Are you kidding me? How is that even possible? Aren't at some sort of disadvantage?The fighting from your knees is, well, it's called prayer; something we all say we'll do but few of us actually do consistently. Oh man, I'll keep you in prayer, and you never do it. Or have you wondered why you're struggling with something or just searching for answers but can't find the right direction anywhere. One simple explanation, you're trying to do it on your own. Newsflash, you won't be able to accomplish it on your own. We can't, we're weak to the flesh. In John 15, Jesus makes the last of what we have learned to call the 7 I am statements. The seventh one He makes it clear to us, He refers to Himself as the True Vine. We are His branches. They are so many different ways to look at this, but the way I see it right now is that we only can do and live through Him. Let's take a tree, if you cut the branch off; it's rendered useless. Very much so, if you cut Christ out of our equation, it's useless. Why can't you stop sinning, why do you always give in, why are you stuck in this plateauing dry season? Check your relationship with Him, and be honest while you're at it. Oh yeah I have a strong relationship but I don't know man I'm struggling. Well how strong is your relationship, how often are you reading our instruction guide or what I refer to as my survival kit, the Bible. That's where you'll find your answers, that's where your relationship, knowledge, and love will grow and strengthen. Read God's word, then pray sincerely. Spend time with your Father, talk to Him, listen to Him. How do you expect to grow and act like Him, when you don't know Him well.You want to conquer? You want to your life flip around? Dedicate your life to prayer and reading His word; not just Christian books, articles, or podcasts as good as they are, they shouldn't take precedence over reading His word and hardcore prayer time. You want to see the giants of your life fall, start praying to God who conquers and empowers; start fighting from your knees. It's ironic to be writing this because it's my biggest weakness, so don't think you're alone. 

love always.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

It's been a while...

So hello again, it's been a while; I've only written four times this summer, I'm sorry for that. You probably don't care, but I do, it's kind of an apology to myself too. I forget how important it is for me to write because it's one of the few channels I have at getting my truest thoughts out; the other being prayer, and even then I write those most of the time. 

Well, let's see, this summer I've definitely kind of taken an emotional break. The past year has been an emotional ride for sure, and at the beginning of the summer I just felt overtaken by my emotions. It was only thing ever on my mind. My emotions consumed me. Then came Costa Rica, which was probably one of the best, if not the best experience of my life. God broke through me there. Some of the darkness of my past had creeped back in, I was no longer refreshed, no longer really motivated. God changed that in Costa Rica. He peeled my eyes open again to see where I was at now and not where I was at before. 

That's where I'm focusing now, I'm focused on the here and now. It's all I have, it's all we have. We had the past, it's gone. We don't have our futures, because it's not guaranteed. So the here and now. I see it differently now, as to before when I focused on everything that had gone on. This last year has been challenging and trying. Whether it be my own emotions challenging me, whether it be the lost of a loved one, changes amongst my friends, dealing with school problems, jobs, conflicts of my heart, frustration of the lack of progress in my life after months of leaps and bounds of progress. Those are just some of the things that consumed me. I let it go, and let God. Allowing all those things to consume and keep my focus away from God became a form of idol worship. It snuck up on me and took control. I'm glad to say things have turned out better now. I know it's because I'm no longer carrying heavy burdens, heavy concerns, heavy emotions. They all were casted on my God, where they belong. Since then God has really shown me a light at the end of this tunnel of chaos I had going on. I don't think I've sprinted harder to that light. I can say I'm basking in His light now. And I can see He is blessing me for it. I found the flight I was longing for. I just celebrated my 23rd birthday just 3 days ago, and I feel it already going to be a better year. Just yesterday I started a journey of an opportunity that has been placed before me by a man I view in high regards and as another father, and all opened up by God Himself. I started my employment with Chik-fil-a with the purpose of being in their management program to hopefully one day become a franchise operator. It will be stressful, it will be challenging, it will be pushing and demanding, but I will be fearless, I will be faithful, and I will be pressing on in Him. Because in Him I can do all things, with His strength I can achieve things; and all the glory goes not to myself or anyone else but Him. I absolutely love my life right now, but I absolutely adore God for always being faithful, merciful, graceful, and loving towards me. Glory to God and God alone! 

Well I hope this can be encouraging. If you're struggling or lacking direction. Lean on Him and not your own understanding. Trust in Him, just try it and see where He takes you. He won't let you down, promise.

Well with love as always,
- Adam

Monday, July 11, 2011

This is how the heart breaks

The breaking point I've been seeking for months has arrived; my heart has now been shattered to pieces, in the best way possible. Has anything really changed? No. I'm still struggling, I still have things that are bothering me, I still have issues to work through, people are still hurting and upsetting me; but the difference is my focus. I don't care anymore! Why consume myself, upset myself, drive myself on issues and situations beyond my control that have resulted in me missing and losing the joy I had. It's a matter of perspective and that perspective has been my point of view for a while. Woe is me! I am selfish, I am stupid. I have placed myself before You. How dare I?! Lord, Father, Aba, Dad forgive me. I lost the driving force that had me passionate for You. That driving force being the remembrance of how I was once lost, and how so many people all around are just as lost as I was. That this world is filled with people that don't know Jesus and are in dire need of a Savior. Who the heck am I; to spend my days concerning myself with petty immature issues rather than on the real purpose of my life, which is to spread the good news. What happened to my life verse, Acts 20:24? Have I really been roaming a meaningless life these last 2 months or so? In part, yes! Like the verse says, I consider my life to be meaningless if I'm not testifying to gospel of God's grace, and I haven't been placing that priority on my life. I have been so focus on myself; my life, my issues, my struggles, my walk. Not that any of that isn't important, but it shouldn't be the central focus of my life. Testifying about God's grace needs to be my concern. The cross and what Jesus did on it should be the epicenter of it all. I need to go back to a cross-centered life. I'm back to a cross-centered life. I'm realizing again where I was, where I'm at, and how it is all about Him.

I wrote this about a month ago, right before Costa Rica. It has been sitting among other things on my drafts list. It was just days before I departed, and I had just finished my 3 week fast in prep for the trip. I share this not to boast, or well not boast about myself. I share this to boast Him. This was before the trip, I needed to be broken down and He was faithful. Better yet He is faithful and will always be faithful. It's why we need to be at the heart of constant worship of Him and who He is. I don't think Costa Rica could have been so impactful on me, if I did not seek Him prior. I needed to be broken, I needed to be stripped bear again, I needed desperately to rip the flesh off my bones to be just mind, heart, and soul for Him. I say this to tell you to just trust Him. When it seems impossible, when it seems possible, when it is easy, when it is hard, when you have other options, when you have no other options; just trust Him! He is good, He is faithful, He is true, always! Praise You!

love always.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Follow You

There is so much going on, so much around me and I don't seem to care about anything but YOU. Thank You Father for allowing me to refocus, for changing my perspective and outlook, for stealing my heart, for bringing me back to the heart of worship. Call me selfish but everything that consumed me prior to Costa Rica has been shoved aside for my Lord, my Dad, my Savior, the only one who truly loves me; and that is the way it should be. He isn't number 1 on my priority list, He IS my priority list. I just pray that You help me remain here with my eyes fixed on only You. I know decisions aren't easy, but the ones I'm making are the ones I know You're guiding me through to make. I ignored Your lead for too long, so now I follow You to wherever You take me. First step of me becoming the leader He's calling me to be, is to first learn to follow His lead. 

I posted that on my Tumblr account just the other day, and I have to admit, that it truly doesn't begin to describe my heart right now. This verse comes to heart, Psalms 61:1-2 "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I". I know I have a higher calling than what I've been living up to thus far in my walk with Him. I know I am called to greater things, I know I am called to be stronger, to be more of a leader (and one that truly leads by example first). But I have desperately needed to answer His calling, but I've been ignoring it for months; just like I ignored His call for so many years. Lord, I am here! Send me! Do with me what You want. I am Your servant! My life means nothing to me anymore, I just desire to testify to who You are and that is it! I have said this so many times, but I am crying it out now; just like I cried out His name that night and He answered. He IS answering again. It's been almost a month since the most amazing experience of my life, Costa Rica. A quick side note: Thanks to Him for being faithful and true, thanks to you who first mentioned it to me that night and encouraged me to go, to those who suggested I pray on it and seek God about it, to those who prayed for me before, during, and after. Thanks to you all who it made it possible for me to experience this. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I hope to write all about it soon, but for now I'll just say it was a life changing experience that has opened my eyes to who God has been calling me to be. I can't begin to tell you of how much I'm letting go because He told me to. So much has held me down for months, so much has distracted me. I cast down my walls, my idols, my distractions and I lay them all down to glorify You. You have shown me how and why I need to obey, and faithful You will be to me when I just trust and follow. I am not sure why it has taken me so long to understand, when there is proof all around me at the results when you do as such. But here I am Dad, take me where You want; pull, push, peel, stretch, mold me as You want; guide me as You wish because all I know and all I want to know is You, Yahweh.

Love always, 

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Bon Voyage.

I'll make this short, I expect my next post to be lengthy. Well I leave tomorrow morning to Costa Rica on my first mission trip. I can't begin to describe how excited and stoked I am. I honestly don't know what to expect, I am clueless as to what God is going to do through this mission work. I just know I prayed hard, and was chosen for this by His divine plan to go. I know I was selected to go out to a country with people that have a divine appointment with the Living Breathing God of the universe. That is honestly all I have, I know there is a purpose for this trip; what it is exactly I don't know. I'll be going with an open heart and open mind to serve the God of my life. I feel truly called for this trip, my passion is trying to reach lost people that are need to hear the gospel. I desire to live out the Great Commission. I pray God uses us in a mighty way on this trip. I pray that all those involved or come in contact will be rocked by Jesus Christ. I ask that you keep us in prayers as we travel and work for our Father. I ask you pray for those God has a divine appointment for, that they have an open receiving heart and mind willing to see the good news we bring. Just keep us in severe prayer. I love you guys, and I hope to come with news of how God rocked this world more than He already has.

With love as always,

Thursday, June 9, 2011


We could all bear the world, and fold our dreams to faults.
But when did hope fall short, and force our lines to crawl?

- Oh, Sleeper

This is a lyric by one of my favorite bands right now, and that is Oh, Sleeper. I feel this is a perfect representation of a lot of our lives. Amid the chaos of life, we get so caught up in being "hopeless". I am a victim of this for sure, unfortunately. I'm not sure why it is so easy for us to lose focus of the big picture so quickly; but it is definitely something we all experience at one time or another. Whether it is a certain situation giving us trouble, maybe a habitual sin we feel bound to, or just life in general overwhelmingly crippling you to a corner wanting nothing more than an escape. I can tell you from experience in all three of those that it is hard not to just fold up the tent and see our hope fall short leaving us in a limbo of hopelessness. It is way more difficult to fight through it and keep your focus on God amidst trials. But can I tell you a secret, this is only the case when we do it by our own power, on our terms, and basically without God. Here is a newsflash we suck as people, we are natural born sinners that just wreak of horridness. We can't do anything without Him. In John 15:5-8, Jesus makes the second of His "I am" statements when He says, "I am the Vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does remain in Me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you. This is to My Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." He clearly states we are branches of Him, but apart from Him we can't do nothing. The Bible likes to reference us as plants or trees, and I think it's a great representation. They each have roots and pending what they're rooted in, pends how they will grow. It is the same for us, pending what we are rooting ourselves in, will in turn result the kind of person we grow to become or the fruit we will bear. So you want those good fruits, the ones like strength, faith, and dedication, the ones that will get us through those tough times, trials, or habits; then we need to be rooting ourselves habitually in Him. That is the bottom line, like I mentioned earlier it's Him that will carry us through. It's no wonder things seem "hopeless" at times, it's usually because we're seeing things through our perspective based on what we alone are capable of on our own limited capabilities. So stop, get your eyes off yourself (I'm including myself in this one) and focus back on God. It's not us, it's Him that will make a way for us to get through it in Him. It's why our prayer life needs to be strong, so we're familiar with Him, we're comfortable with Him, we can trust and have our faith in Him. It's why we need to be reading and digging in His Word, so we can see what God is like, so we can know what He's done, what He is capable of, it's proof of how faithful He is. Man, let's persevere through it in prayer and dedication to Him; so that our hope never falls shorts.

with love,

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair. - 2 Corinthians 4:8

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Listening Skills.

15 Fools think their own way is right,
but the wise listen to others.
I just got smacked in the face with reality, thank you God for pointing it out again. He is pretty good at it. Flaws or I guess habits that I know I have, but I can’t seem to shake. Geez, do I need to learn to listen, especially to those that care and are taking the time to sit and help me. I’m always quick to jump the gun and speak, always quick to be somewhat defensive. I need to learn so bad how to stay humble and shut up. It’s so hard because not something I knowingly do, but I tend to catch myself in the process; which consequently is too late already. Ahh, it’s frustrating. I don’t know if it’s a pride issue or a stubborn thing, but I know it’s definitely a problem nevertheless. God, I need You so bad. This is not something I can shake on my own. This is where if I was just that much more Christ-like I could shake. Unfortunately, it’s such a lifelong process. I can only pray this isn’t a lifelong issue. I know and can see how it affects those speaking to me. It’s just so rude and inconsiderate. Lord, break me, break this habit of my own. Dad, just rid me of myself so when I talk it’s You, and when I listen it’s You. Just help me continue to grow to be more Christ-like. Help me be slow to speak. Give me the discipline to read more, the dependency to speak with You more, and the brokenness to just desire and love You more. For I know, this is how to become more like You Jesus.
To those I’ve unfortunately done this to, I’m truly sorry. Shamelessly tell me to be quiet, call me out to listen first. Hopefully in time, I can grow to be a true listener; to not be such a fool, but to be wise in His eyes.
With love,
- Adam

So again want smack in the face, yeah He does it. Sure enough I wrote the above earlier tonight while working at a basketball tournament. I was bored, waiting for the night to finish, so I decided to take the opportunity as a chance to read the Word. So I picked up in Proverbs, and sure enough I read the above verse mention, Proverbs 12:15. I immediately felt the conviction like I said, but God wasn't done talking to me and teaching me tonight. I arrived tonight at my meeting for the Costa Rica trip, and yeah there it is again being reemphasized. It wasn't really the purpose of tonight's session, but a friend made such a valuable point about listening. So vital to take the time to truly just listen; like the verse I mentioned says it's wise to listen to others. Sure enough I'm a fool, unfortunately. Later on tonight, I got chance to truly put in play and practice what I was being taught and shown by Him. So humbling to experience the Lord, just talk to me and then use me for His purpose. It's crazy how "coincidental" things tend to happen sometimes. How every thing just seems to go together, like a true process. You call coincidence, I'll call it His perfect plan. It's amazing what your eyes can be opened to when you take the time to just listen. 

Thank You Father for Your never ending patience with me. I ask You continue Your work in me and through me. Teach me, rebuke me, improve Dad. I love You, I need You. Amen.

so again with love,
- Adam

Monday, May 16, 2011

So long, farewell

"A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or far apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in the heart."

Brotherhood is something I've learned to truly cherish. I don't mention names normally on my blog, but today I will. Earlier this week I lost a brother of mine, Jason. Before you freak out, no he didn't pass away or anything like that. This week he moved to Kansas City. So I just wanted to share a little bit. Unfortunately this move came in a time that is selfishly disappointing, but yet so perfectly encouraging. It sucks because over the last few months, he has been one of the friends that has never left my side. He is someone whom I consider like a brother. He is one of the few that truly believes in me; that truly encourages me constantly. He is one of the quickest to call me out and tell me to stop pouting and get up to live to my potential. As much as it stinks that he is gone, it has been one of the greatest encouragement to date in my life. It is a real life representation of Jeremiah 29:11, when the Lord declares that He has a plan for us and our futures; and it's a plan to prosper us not to harm us. This comes to fruition through putting your faith and trust in Him. When you seek Him in prayer, when you depend on Him, when you seek His plan for your life, He answers. It was encouraging to see the whole process of how God worked in Jason's life. The things that happened that seemed like such a disappointment at times, turned out leading and allowing for the present to occur. It was honestly amazing and humbling to witness. I pray I can trust God like so. To trust the plans He has for me, to trust to follow His paths and not mine. I know it is what I want, I know it truly is the desire of my heart to live a life that testifies to His name and glory. Simultaneously, I know how quick I can fall due to my pride and selfishness. This is why I pray I can selflessly follow His call when it comes as Jason did. Thank You my Lord for presenting me an example of the sacrifice if need be necessary to follow You. To surrender fully my ideas and adapt to Your call. Thank you Jason for allow God to use and move you. Dude, I miss you; and that is just the beginning to describe the void left by your departure. I pray that God continues to use you, move you, groom you to what He needs. I pray you continue to have a willing spirit. I know, as you tell me often, that God is going to use you in a mighty way up there. Continue running the good race my brother, and let this all be a great example to others and myself. Keep Him first in all things.

with love as always,
- Adam

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget"

 "Still I won't say goodbye, won't ever say goodbye. And know that I'll always be your friend."

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Reveries of Flight

Reveries of Flight by Oh, Sleeper

 A sound ahead from distant peaks,

a song that all my brothers sing.
It's just out of reach,
to join i would need the wings the heaven denied me.
Its like your deaf to my voice,
but i've been here for every moment, 
waiting on your call to move.
If you could just make a choice,
I know you would find me wanting only to be close to you.
"You keep denying my lead!
Because i've tried, i've never pulled back my reach, 
and i've stayed and i've died, but you keep looking for me 
where I'm not. I wont be just where you want me to be. 
You've got to believe and just trust that I can be everything"Its like your deaf to my voice
"but i'm not!"but i've been here for every moment 
"and i've fought"waiting on your call to move
"just call to move"if you could just make a choice
"oh i have"i know you would find me wanting 
"I just want..."only to be close to you
"all of you."

If you would just try and let (me) pry all your grips on worries,
I would come alive in your life and let you find the flight you're longing.

I listen to this song and I think of you. My heart longs for you, it's different I promise. It's not cause I'm better or greater. It's not cause I look down on you. It is simply because I love you. It breaks my heart to think as it stands, this life is all we'll have together because we stand far apart eternally speaking. As far as we stand, you're not that far. You're one decision away from standing where I and many others are at. I know where you're at, I was there. It might seem like we were on opposite spectres, but I promise I was there. Where I stood was so close to where you're at. I wish I could I reveal what was revealed to me that night. I'm sorry your heart as grown so cold to Him. I'm sorry that every example you've encountered of what I stand for, has been poorly displayed. I'm sorry people don't talk out of love, and tried to force things down you're throat. I'm sorry for hypocrisy displayed time in and time out. I'm sorry that life hasn't lined up according to plan for you. I'm sorry for your heartaches and heartbreaks. I'm sorry. I am sobbing for you right now. I pray daily for you. I know you think it's pointless. I know you appreciate it, but don't see the point. I know you care not to even hear about my God. But most of all I want you to know, you're not alone. We were all there at one point, some deeper than others. I know for a fact I experienced a lot of where you're at. I know it makes no sense. I know you think you had your encounter with God and that was enough for you to say, forget that. I know everything I stand for seems stupid. It seems like I'm missing out on this world's "love". My friend with every ounce of love in my bones, I tell you, you're missing out. I know the god you know, it's not the God I've encountered. I was skeptical all my life until I decided to take a real chance on God. That is what I'm praying for, that you give it a chance. I pray you would be willing to experience the real God, and everything He is about. I know you think you know about Him, but you have the wrong idea or perception. My Dad is different than what you think. I want you to know, I love you; more importantly He loves you. He wants you to know Him. He constantly is calling for you. He's been there all along never pulling back His reach. He knows this life is tough, and at times it makes no sense. But it's not impossible, with Him. If you'd give Him the time of day, I know you'd see it. If then you could still care less, then okay. But I pray you'd let go the idea of what you think or who you think God is, and just give a chance for the real God to reveal himself to you. I love you, no matter what. I am no greater than you. I just want you to have what I have. I want to see you let go of the facade and be truly happy. Be as real as you say you are. I was there; I longed for it, never knowing or having the answer. Then I realized it was with me all along. This statement is the last thing I'll say and I want you to know I can't possibly put in to words how true it is; and that is the last line from the song. 

If you would just try and let Me pry all your grips on worries, I would come alive in your life and let you find the flight you're longing.

I hope you read this one day, I pray you give it a shot. Regardless, I love you always.
 - Adam

P.S. Quick Challenge:

*We all have people we care about that need to hear, and we can't be afraid to share our thoughts with them. No matter how many times they reject it, be faithful. Just think what if nobody had ever shared with you; where would you be?*

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Nobody to blame.

How often do we question or complain when something doesn't go our way. That is unfortunately the story of many of our lives. We complain and complain, looking for a reason, an excuse, someone/something to blame. But how about this, how about we take responsibility. I think many of us, including myself, need to start taking more responsibility in our lives. It may mean taking responsibility for our actions, or of those around us that affect us; but we need to take on more responsibility.

Too often we make excuses; I'm tired, I'm not comfortable, I'm too busy, I don't want to, but that person did that, it's not my problem, it's not my fault, etc. None of that matters, we should be leaders and accept more responsibilities for and in our lives. How quick we are to agree that things need to be done, but we don't want to do anything about it. How quick we are to say there needs to be a change, but we aren't willing to endure the steps to change. I think those last two statements explain many of our lives, unfortunately, including mine. Why can't we see the bigger picture, why can't we get it? I'm not sure, my only explanation is an observance of how we don't accept responsibility or accountability. It shouldn't be that way though. If we are to be Christ-like as Christians, then let's be Christ-like.

You see this is something that goes often noticed but yet still unnoticed. Jesus showed the ultimate example of responsibility and accountability through His life, and what He did on the cross for us. Honestly, it wasn't His place to be on that cross. It wasn't His sin, on the contrary He was sinless. It wasn't His price to pay, but He payed it. The only one that had no business doing anything for us, is the one who did everything for us. He saw a need, and through His love met it. We are His children, and He took responsibility for us. He is not responsible for our sins, but as His children, He feels responsible for us. He knew we could never pay the price for sin, He knew we had no way to do so. So He took responsibility and accountability for us upon Himself and made a way. He didn't have to do so, but He did.

Now I ask what if Jesus had the same attitude that most of us have. What if Christ said well that's not my problem. What if He said He was tired or didn't want to do it. What if His mentality for His life was the same that we have for ours. Honestly, I think we'd be in trouble; going up the creek without a paddle. When we really take time to see what He did, we'd see, among many things, that Jesus Christ gave us the best possible demonstration of how to take responsibility and be accountable, even for things that aren't your fault or that you don't want to do.

So let's stop making excuses, let's be responsible and accountable. We all have problems in our lives, whether a sin problem, or any kind of issue; that means problems with yourself, problems with your family, problems with friends, or problems with strangers. The solution to those problems can't be found by living in excuses. Stop blaming your past, your present or others for things. Stop making excuses. Jesus showed us how to take accountability and responsibility; so when we fail to do so, we have nobody to blame but ourselves. But don't get down on yourself, just get up stop blaming, and make it happen.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Mood Rings

Sometimes I think I care too much. It's a weakness of mine, I think. I am way too loving and I feel so much for the people that I care about. It's to the point when they hurt, I hurt. It kills me, I wish I could take every burden off my friends' shoulders; just so I can see them be happy and smile. It's why I like talking through things, communicating with the ones I care for; in hopes maybe getting it off their chest and gaining a new perspective will help. It sucks though when I have no idea what's going on, when I'm as clueless as a kindergarten learning physics. It eats me alive. It stinks right now because I feel alone. I know some of my friends are going through a lot but I don't know how to help. It's not just one but a good few of em, and I can't do anything when they're just not communicating with me. It sucks right now because I feel like I've lost some of my closest friends by their own distancing. It stinks because I'm helpless. It's out of my character to do anything different besides continuing to be faithful, loyal, and true to them. I've been told stop caring, but that's not me. My friends, I love you guys. I adore you guys so dearly. I pray God is with you through your trials. I pray His light shines through the darkness. I pray that while in the midst of a battle, you find hope in the victory that is in Christ and through Christ. I wish I could believe it when you guys tell me that is every thing is okay, when I know it is all in shambles. I wish I could help you; I wish I could hug it out, and make the troubles go away. If it were just that simple, but it is. As much I feel helpless, I'm not. As alone as I feel, I'm not. I may be left in the dark, but I have a light. I might not know or understand what you're going through, but I know someone who does. And I'm doing the only thing one can do, and that's pray. I pray that Christ, who is beyond it all, makes Himself revealed. I pray that the answers you need, be found in Him alone. I pray for peace, comfort, grace, love, and restoration amongst you in your troubles. I might not be sure what is going on in your lives, I might not be sure why you're struggling, or why you guys have secluded yourselves; but I pray that the One who has all answers, dwells amongst you and helps you guys. It stinks not being able to help the ones I care for, but I can rest knowing God is at work.

with love, 
- Adam

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Easter Time

Hey guys,  just a few days ago we were celebrating Easter; I'll start there. For me, this Easter was truly special. It was my first Easter as a Christian. I've always celebrated Easter because of my "faith", but now I celebrate it because of my relationship with the true risen Savior. It was a great experience for me; to finally understand what we're remembering and celebrating. The fact that He is risen. 

Last week, the leader of my bible study (Roman's Road, check it out) asked me to lead the study. This was my third time leading a study, and I truly enjoy it. But this one was different, it had a special meaning behind it. I spoke about "professed" Christianity vs. real Christianity, based on my own life experience. I tied it in with Easter, and what we're celebrating. Then I wrapped with what it means to be a real Christian. Then I closed it off with a challenge. My challenge after we partook in communion, was that we don't let this celebration be just a Good Friday or Easter thing; that this be something we remember and celebrate every day of our lives.

It's a challenge. It's easy to get caught up in the emotion of this past weekend, but I ponder why can't we get caught up in the emotion of what He did, every single day. The same emotion that drives us that weekend, that has us remembering what He went through; why can't we have all the time, we should. That's my challenge to myself, that every day be a remembrance of what my Savior did for me. To never forget, what Jesus went through, and not just the cross; but every single ounce of agony and pain. From the night before in the garden, when He was sweating blood; all the way to the moment He said, "It is finished". That entire process that He went through, for us. The pain He suffered, for us. Everything was done for us and our sins. Whether we reject or accept Him, He loves us and knowingly died for us. Wow. How awesome is He, but unfortunately we take it for granted and choose to remember it only on this past weekend. So again, to those reading this; I challenge you. I challenge you to also never take it for granted, to constantly remember what He did for us. To allow that remembrance be the driving force behind our growing passion for Him. Allow it to be a recollection of the sacrifice He did, and that we should be a little more sacrificial with our lives for the kingdom of God. Honestly, what else do we got? If our lives aren't being lived for His kingdom, then what is the purpose? We're here to come to know Him, to grow in a relationship with Him, and spread the word of that purpose by all means. So let's get on it, and not just on Easter weekend. That's to those who know Him, but for those of you who don't have a relationship with Him; I pray you would come to know Him. I pray that you would cry out to Him, seek Him; because He will reveal Himself to you, I promise. I pray you do so with open eyes, open ears, and a open heart to truly give the God of the universe a chance to reveal Himself to you. I finally made that choice September 14, 2010, and my life hasn't been the same since. That all was just smacked in my face this weekend, so rejoice and rejoice every day!

with love,

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


This is the air I breathe 

This is the air I breathe 
Your holy presence living in me 
This is my daily bread 
This is my daily bread 
Your very word spoken to me 

And I, I'm desperate for you 
And I, I'm lost without you 

This is the air I breathe 
This is the air I breathe 
Your holy presence living in me 
This is my daily bread 
This is my daily bread 
Your very word spoken to me 

And I, I'm desperate for you (I'm desperate for you) 
And I, I'm lost without you (I'm lost without you) 
And I, I'm desperate for you (I'm desperate for you) 
And I, I'm lost without you (I'm lost without you) 
(I'm lost without you, lost without you) 

This is the air I breathe 
This is the air I breathe 
Your holy presence living in me 

And I, I'm desperate for you (I'm desperate for you) 
And I, I'm lost without you (I'm lost without you) 
And I, I'm desperate for you (I'm desperate for you) 
And I, I'm lost without you (I'm lost without you) 
(I'm lost without you, lost without you) 

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, 
nor angels nor principalities nor things present nor things to come, 
nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, 
will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord

Dad, I am lost without You. I am so desperate for You. Father, I pray that I never lose the urgency for You in my life. I want You to be the air that I breath because anything else would just be poison to my lungs. I want You to be what fills me up, what raises me, what pulls and pushes me. I want You to be the only aspect of my life that has those affects on me. I'm tired of my pride and of my selfishness, I want You. Father this be the truest desire of my heart, I pray that it consumes me and those around me. That we never lose the urgency for You in our lives. That the same I cried out to You in tears, feeling that need of desperation for You in my life. That feeling and hunger for You, I pray that it never leaves me Dad, that it never leaves any of us. I ask this all in Your beautiful name, AMEN.

I felt like I needed to share my heart with you guys this morning, and this is what was on my heart the moment I opened my eyes today. It such a great feeling to be hungry for the Lord. I hope that the same hunger and desperation consumes You guys as well. I think the song is perfect to describe the feeling, and mix it with Amy Lee (<3) it becomes angelic. I hope you guys have a beautiful day, and glorify Him.

with love,
- Adam


I probably should have posted this prior to my last blog, oh well. I tend to write things and leave them unfinished in hopes to get back to it. Never happens, I either feel it's to personal to post or can't get the though back. Usually sits in my queue as a saved post. But here we go...

Repetition is everywhere. We experience it everyday, hence the repetitiveness. I'm currently experiencing a trend of repetition that I need to take note of. Things are repetitive for a reason, especially in my life at the moment; it is because God is trying to talk to me. Through different sermons, conversations, music, or podcasts. He is repeating things to me, and I should listen. I need to listen. When He repeats something, it's important. He does it in the Bible, and He does it in our lives. Go figure, God's character is holy. And it is the characteristic that is repeated three times when mentioned about Him; it says God is holy, holy, holy. It's a pattern He has to emphasize things.

I'm beginning to notice a pattern of my life, through my various writings, that there is sense of almost bi-polar-ness. One positive, one of struggle, then back and forth. One page is of how in love I am with Him, the next on how much I'm struggling. My friend called me out when I was talking to them about what I was going through. I appreciate them calling me out, to me that is a sign of a true friend (one that isn't afraid to be real with me and shoot me true). What they told me wasn't what I was expecting, but it was so true. My friend told me I was distant from God. How scary true it was, I haven't been reading nor praying like I should. I'd rarely even let it bother me, then when I came to my senses, I felt like a scumbag. Then due to my feeling like crap I don't read anyways. It's a stupid a cycle that I'm caught in. A repetitive process I have to fight through to burst out of. How can I? Everything is so wrong right now. Well, it's easy take the focus off of me, and back where it belongs on God. I've gone through tough times before, and I got through it by praising Him throughout it. I did it by focusing on Him not me while He got me through it. That's where I need to get back to. I need to cut out my distractions. Sorry T.V., sorry music, sorry sleeping in, I need to spend more time with God; especially since I have so much time.

And I'll pick up from there, with having so much time on my hand can be such a blessing, if I use it properly. If I just use it for Him, it'd be time well spent. I need to get closer to God. I should never stop getting closer to God. I can never be close enough to God. My hunger and thirst for Him should never cease. That is the desire I need to have, but it is a desire at times I lack. I lack it when I am being selfish, immature, and stupid. My life shows a lack of discipline beginning to rise, and I must stop it now. I need to get back to my discipline in every aspect of my life. I need to have more trust and faith in Him. He can do all things, and get me through all things; when my focus is where it belongs, on Him.

This is something that has been a theme as of late; and as God shows in His word, when He repeats something, it is for a reason.

with love,

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

The Power of One

One is such an insignificant yet simultaneously significant number. Everything begins with one; think about it, you always start at one. It is so vital, but we bypass it so often as such an unimportant number. Why? I'm not sure honestly, I guess because it seems so miniscule. I use this analogy with my basketball teams to show the importance of one, think about the last time you won or lost a game by one point. It makes the world of a difference. One could be the difference between winning and losing. Also, think about sports team if they didn't have that one player, they probably wouldn't be as successful as they are with that player. I figure our lives to be very similar, at least spiritually. Jesus is that One. He is the One. The One who not only makes a difference, but is the difference. The difference between eternal life and eternal death is found through Jesus. Such a huge difference, and it is all based on One. Also without Him, we for sure would be far from as successful as we could be with Him.

I'm really focusing on Jesus as of late. I know it's been a while since my last blog, so I'll be honest. I was in a weird place. I was in a place where I really felt like I was loving God more, with beginning to serve Him at a new church, starting to lead studies at my group; I was starting to do all these things that made me feel like I was getting close and loving God so much more for who He is, but honestly it wasn't making a difference. I didn't feel a genuine love growing, and I understand why now. I am thankful for a friend of mine (I'm thankful for all of them) who was trusting enough to be honest with me. Honest enough to call me out and tell me I was distant from God. How right they were, I was distant from the One. The One who brought me out of darkness. I had stopped reading, despite my desire to do it. I had stopped praying genuine prayers all the time, and resorted to quick words not from my heart. I was cussing again, sinning left and right. Becoming self-centered with my problems and resulting pride that was leaving them unresolved. I am a very prideful creature but when I am focused on Him, I quickly get humbled and become that selfless person that my friends so often appreciate. It is only logical when I have Jesus as my strive that I am influenced by Him, and vice versa.

This was all just the beginning though, step one in the process as of late. I received the same message the following 5 days through various things, be it church, study group, sermon podcasts. It was all too clear now, and it culminated last Wednesday; when my eyes were truly opened to the real problem. I had lost my faith and trust in God. I was being selfish again, wanting to handle life on my own. It all leads back to a lack of faith and trust in the One, but why? I've been starting to realize I lack a true knowledge of who Christ is. In order to be like Jesus, I have to know Jesus. I have to study Jesus. I have to study what He did, what He said, who He was with, and where He went. I need to know about my Savior so I can act and grow like Him.

Forget trying to read Paul's letters to learn to be radical for the gospel, forget Jeremiah's 40 years of faithful servanthood, none of it matters if I don't even know the teachings and parables of Jesus, the One. He is the One who altered history. The One gave a reason to live, a reason for hope, a chance at life after death. He is the One who rescued and died for me. My heart breaks when I think about how little I really know about Jesus. I want to study Jesus, I want learn about Jesus, so I can consequently carry out what He asks of me. He is the One whose birth we base our calendar year. He raised from the dead, He healed the sick, He loved the outcasts, He stood up to everyone for the name of His Father, our Father. He made an impact, a difference. He showed that one person can change history. He showed He is the One who changed history. He showed the power of One.

That's where I'm at right now, as upfront and real as possible. I am not at where I seem, I am struggling everyday. But I know how to fix it, and that is by relying on the One. Learning about the One, having faith and trust in the One. I'm so far from perfect, but I'm clawing and scratching my way towards His standard. I know I will fall short, but I'm relying on the One to get me back up and keep me moving forward. I rely on the One to give me the need to depend on Him, to read about Him, to talk to Him, to learn about Him. I'm relying on the power of One.

with love,
- Adam