There is so much going on, so much around me and I don't seem to care about anything but YOU. Thank You Father for allowing me to refocus, for changing my perspective and outlook, for stealing my heart, for bringing me back to the heart of worship. Call me selfish but everything that consumed me prior to Costa Rica has been shoved aside for my Lord, my Dad, my Savior, the only one who truly loves me; and that is the way it should be. He isn't number 1 on my priority list, He IS my priority list. I just pray that You help me remain here with my eyes fixed on only You. I know decisions aren't easy, but the ones I'm making are the ones I know You're guiding me through to make. I ignored Your lead for too long, so now I follow You to wherever You take me. First step of me becoming the leader He's calling me to be, is to first learn to follow His lead.
I posted that on my Tumblr account just the other day, and I have to admit, that it truly doesn't begin to describe my heart right now. This verse comes to heart, Psalms 61:1-2 "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I". I know I have a higher calling than what I've been living up to thus far in my walk with Him. I know I am called to greater things, I know I am called to be stronger, to be more of a leader (and one that truly leads by example first). But I have desperately needed to answer His calling, but I've been ignoring it for months; just like I ignored His call for so many years. Lord, I am here! Send me! Do with me what You want. I am Your servant! My life means nothing to me anymore, I just desire to testify to who You are and that is it! I have said this so many times, but I am crying it out now; just like I cried out His name that night and He answered. He IS answering again. It's been almost a month since the most amazing experience of my life, Costa Rica. A quick side note: Thanks to Him for being faithful and true, thanks to you who first mentioned it to me that night and encouraged me to go, to those who suggested I pray on it and seek God about it, to those who prayed for me before, during, and after. Thanks to you all who it made it possible for me to experience this. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I hope to write all about it soon, but for now I'll just say it was a life changing experience that has opened my eyes to who God has been calling me to be. I can't begin to tell you of how much I'm letting go because He told me to. So much has held me down for months, so much has distracted me. I cast down my walls, my idols, my distractions and I lay them all down to glorify You. You have shown me how and why I need to obey, and faithful You will be to me when I just trust and follow. I am not sure why it has taken me so long to understand, when there is proof all around me at the results when you do as such. But here I am Dad, take me where You want; pull, push, peel, stretch, mold me as You want; guide me as You wish because all I know and all I want to know is You, Yahweh.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20