Sunday, October 31, 2010

Combos and Skittles

So I've been slacking kinda on this blogging thing, but at the same time not really. I haven't been neglecting it, I just haven't been sure as to what to write. I want to write every time I have a thought or feel compelled to share my heart. I should stop being selfish and just share different aspects of my life that could help others; but I can't, I'm not that comfortable yet. Things still haunt me, decisions I've made in the past still linger, I'm working on moving past them because I know that isn't me anymore. I've changed, I've been renewed in Him. But I'm still human, still have insecurities and issues that I deal with. For now, I won't be sharing that yet for the world to see how, despite contrary to popular belief, I'm far from awesome and I severely suck. To share how I truly don't deserve to have His grace, how undserving of a chump I am.

Which brings me to what I have decided to share. And that's how awesome and gracious He is. I admit this is one topic I wanted to share earlier, but I was hesitant. Hesitant because I don't want to come across as riding a high horse. I refuse to allow others to think I feel I am in anyway better than or above them. Because I am not. I am so far from that. I truly feel I am below most. This isn't to get confused with me thinking I'm worthless, because I know I'm not. I know I have a lot to offer people, but I do understand at the same time I'm better than no one. With that said, I just wanted share how awesome He is and how amazing I am doing right now because of Him. Reading that, I think you can see why I was scared to come across as boastful. But a friend of mine made a valid point. He deserves the praise. Sharing this isn't about tooting my own horn and patting my own back, it is simply to show and give the praise He deserves.

All the comments I have been getting lately from numerous people, is that how much I've changed and how much of a blessing I am to them in their lives. For me that's mind blowing. Me? A blessing? Psssh nah chill with that heat, I suck. But despite me being a noobcake at life, He is the polar opposite. He is just ridiculous. And I'm living proof. I know that it is kind of cliche but it is the truth. The fact He could take me out of the pitch black darkness I was living in and make a light of me is beyond my comprehension (I know I'm only a dim light but I know I'll get brighter). I've caught myself saying things lately, but in a good way, it's more of a whoa where did that come from. I can truly feel God's presence in my life and it is the most gratifying thing. It is gratifying to know that the Bible is so true. That when John 3:16 says whosoever it really means whosoever. And I am one of those whosoever.

The peace of mind and joy He has given me since I the night I decided to make my life His has simply been overwhelming. I find myself saying and doing things never in my lifetime I'd think I'd be saying and doing. I haven't been upset in weeks, I haven't felt stressed in weeks, my cursing has dwindled to rarely almost non-existent. I know that it won't always be like this forever, but that's even more reason for me to bask in it and give Him praise for it. He knows where I was and has given exactly what I needed. He has broken me, humbled me, softened my heart to the point I cry all the time now. It's beautiful honestly and I've come to terms with that thanks to a friend of mine.

So again I'm writing this to just take advantage of an opportunity to publicly praise Him for what He has done, what He is doing, and what He is going to do in my life. I couldn't be more grateful for Him. The people that I'm surrounded by, each and every single one of you, are just amazing and beyond loving. I am so grateful for the friends I have by my side. By far that has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. All the blessings I have given me more reason to dedicate my life to serving Him. Using my life as a walking testimony of His power and capabilities. To show how glorious He is. I want everything I do to just bring Him praise. I never want Him to be without praise. I want every time I come to Him to just have more and more praise for Him. I want my life song to be one of praise for Him. I want every time I go to His shows to bring Him skittles and combos because He wants AND deserves it!


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