Sunday, February 13, 2011

I so hate consequences

I've been variously getting things off my chest this week. It has felt good to just let go of nonsense in my life. Unfortunately, I need to vent off a little bit.

It sucks, I have gotten to understand my actions have consequences. For a long time my past actions remained hidden to everyone. It isn't until now that I've let people in as to what was going on inside me before I became a Christian, before I've made all these radical decisions. If people knew what was up before, they wouldn't call it radical, but rational instead. Unfortunately though because my past self was very to himself about the inner struggles, I now have to deal with it. But it's fine, I promise. I am a big boy, and I can reap what I sowed; I can lay in the bed that I made. I can do this because I've learned about accountability, mainly accountable to self and God. Now this is what sucks. When I have to be held accountable for someone else's decisions. When I get left to lay in a bed someone else made. This is where I'm at now. This is to you. You left me quite screwed. You didn't think about how your decision could have such an affect. Well, I'm reaping what you sowed. No matter what I do now, I will be questioned, judged, analyzed, and doubted; and it is all because of you and your cowardly act. Your decision to be a liar. Your decision to be fake. You're quite like a lemon, yellow and having left a burning sensation on the wound. Can I be upset at you? Yes, I very well could; but I'm not. I forgave you, but I can't help but hate the consequences of your actions. You have no idea what you left behind, the damage and wreckage I now have to pick up. The irrationality I now have to deal with. It's alright, I can do it. Unlike you, I can handle it. That leaves me embracing, yet unfortunately hating the consequences at hand.

No comments:

Post a Comment