Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Cape Is Stuck In The Phone Booth

The title was my feeling, and the above has been my resolution. The last few weeks have been interesting to say the least. I was feeling somewhat stuck, I wasn't sure what I was doing anymore. I felt like I was slipping away which led me to slip a bit. For no reason, recently I had been generally discouraged, distant, cold, apathetic, bitter, frustrated, and struggling to catch a grip. I don't know what has been up with me lately, I'm still working on it; but I do know it sucked. Just as I felt myself taking off again, I wasn't going anywhere. I was stuck in the phone booth. I couldn't get back in the way I wanted; and I prayed, I prayed, and I prayed harder but nothing. I tried worship and praise, heart 100% in it, but still didn't help. I've written quite a bit, possibly a few future messages, that I feel good about that they were inspired from Him, but I haven't been doing all the things I need to do to get back. I do all the bits and pieces but not as a whole which is problematic. I will admit the last 2 weeks I wouldn't say have been tough, but challenging to say the least. I've experienced some things unlike before, and I'm still not sure if those things are what has had an effect on me. I'm dwelling on, I know who I am but I'm getting reminded who I could go back to being (not entirely true because I am a new creation). I have moments I am me, and others I am glimpses of my old self. There are a lot of frustrations I don't need to share. Some things have happened to me recently that I won't share with everyone. Things I want to say and do that I won't. My friend pointed out I am in a battle; and they were right I am. I prayed to be a warrior for Christ, and in a way I am getting my chance. Things are coming my way to get me to fall even further from the glory, but I refuse to allow it. So many different messages have been delivered lately all speaking to me, trying to warn me. I realize it now, truly have my grip back. I got cocky, saying I'm good, I'll keep it up, but geez have I failed. The only way I will succeed though, is through my resolution posted above. I have to reduce me, and keep reducing until there is no me left; to the point that who I am isn't me but it is You. That is how I am going to come back. That is how I am going to fight the good fight. That is how I am going to become who He wants me to be. Honestly, I'm going to cut this short and leave it here. It always seems to come back to dying to the flesh, dying to self, and following Him. I think that's why He tells us it is a daily thing. Die to self daily, continually, and follow Him. That is my prayer for myself and for all of you.

Thank you and with love,

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