Thursday, December 2, 2010

Come Right Out and Say it...

Everything is not alright. A lot of things I have no control of. I am not sure of a lot of what I am doing. I am still heartbroken inside, I miss him terribly. Despite the Lord's peace, comfort, and love, I am still in this body and bound to mankind's selfishness. I want more or I think I do. I know I shouldn't, I have Him and that is enough, but I suck. I take a hard look at my life over the last year, and realize I am no where near the person I was 11 months and 2 days ago. I am not even the same person I was 3 months ago. I am thankful and I am beyond ecstatic to be who I am now and who I am becoming, but it does not take away that I am suffering inside. A lot of thoughts and people of my past haunt me in my head. I have moments of weakness. It is like I'm racing in mario kart and I am in first place, and some jerk face keeps throwing shells my way (green and red ones lol). I may stumble but I know I'm going in the right direction. I may be weak, but I am strong in Him. I am okay, and not at the same time. I feel I am struggling simply so I may continue to grow stronger. For those around me, that see me and may think I am okay, don't take this as I've been fake. It simply me not allowing myself to be selfish, and allow myself to get in the way of God's praise. That is why I walk with my chin up. I may be hurting, but He has been too good for me to walk around pouting, and I am determined to allow His light shine through me. Life is tough man, but I can't imagine how I would get through it without Him. He is good, He is great, He is love.

Here is a verse for those going through struggles, I encourage you including myself to stop being selfish and allowing ourselves to get in the way of His glory in our struggles.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I'm sorry.
I love and need You more than ever.

thank you guys for hearing me out, hopefully I can help some of you as I help myself.

love always,

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