Friday, December 17, 2010

Im Taking You with Me

I'm taking You with me, really? As I really think about that, I'm no longer sure I want that. Don't get me wrong it sounds awesome and could be promising. But I have something else in mind. Now first I do agree with Relient K's song "I'm taking you with me" in this, that it is simply stating everything I do I'm bringing You, everything I take part of I want You to be a part of it. That I do want. But we as people don't take this approach,  we approach it as I'm going to go do what I want and I'm bringing You with me, or try to.

Here is a newsflash, God doesn't walk according to our plan. We are created to live according to His plan. So it is indeed He who is taking us with Him. That's how we got to view things. Too often we get caught up in our heart's desires and our "necessities". My biggest theme again is die to thyself. I'm going back to it. Screw me and what I want to do. Screw me and what I want. I'm not important anymore. God died for me,  I gave Him my life, so I'm determined to give Him my life. I'm not here to do what I want and just bring God along for the ride. Not here to follow my plan and have God just bless me on my merry way. No, I'm here to fulfill His plan, His purpose for me. Do I know exactly what that is yet, honestly not 100% sure yet. But I'm going to do the only thing I know I can do, grow in Him more and more. I can't get too anxious, too eager for it is in His due time, His perfect timing that I'll get to His plan for my life.

Last night was so perfect for me, I got reminded again of how great He is. Back up a little bit, over these last few weeks. As good as they have been for me, they were kinda negatives aspects too. I grew a fear. It was a general fear, it arose from a collection of events and thoughts. Now back to last night, that fear met its match. It met my God, and let me tell you if you don't know but God is undefeated. He doesn't lose. And I realized that last night. It was about fear last night, and how we face fear with the fear of God. And I realized I had lost that fear for some reason. But that message broke me. Then we did communion, and boy oh boy did I break. God, I'm still in awe of You. This was my first communion as a Christian, and wow. There I sat, realizing what I'm partaking in truly represents. I have a God, that died for me.

Who am I, seriously. Who the heck am I to sit here and fear anything. Who am I to tell God this is what I want to do. No, I am sorry. I am nobody. I am just a child belonging to a Savior whom I am to serve. I lost track of that a few weeks ago. I got caught up in the positive and blessings, and lost track of Him along the way. I tried to bring Him with me, but it doesn't work that way. He is the one who I'm following. He is the one leading my life. I shall remind myself of this daily. I shall remind myself to die to myself everyday. I need to, if not I'll end up in an endless rut, just circling over and over. So I'm sorry Father. I forgot I'm not leading this race, You're my Lord. I shall follow You. Thank You for allowing me to come to terms with this again. You really are so faithful despite my stupidity. You love me so much, and I long to match it.

well that's all so again
with love,

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