Thursday, December 9, 2010

I Just Want You to Know...

As I'm struggling to find topics to write about, I figured I go and start sharing some of my poetry. I've been writing for 3 months now. It all started the night I got saved, and it's rolled from there.

My Inspiration:
From the start you've been a blessing to the world
In His arms you've always been curled
When things are crashing, when people would start thrashing
You stand firm, you don't waiver despite the bashing
For that I thank you, you've set a standard
But the fact I fail to meet it leaves me angered
The thought of it brings a tear to my eye
I sit sobbing staring at this night sky
You're the reason I made this choice
I used to hear God's love in your voice
You were mom's rock, a faith so strong
Man, I was mad at God, and I had it all wrong
You knew God would be our miracle postal service
How you were so strong, while I was deathly nervous
It was your walking testimony that made me change my mind
It was that and your friends, how they were so loving and overwhelmingly kind
I was just so envious of what you had
Cause I got tossed out like a fading fad
Through your silent guidance I left a troubled past
Looking back I wish I would've followed you twice as fast
You've always helped me through my trials and tribulations
The saddest thing, until now you didn't know you were my inspiration

This is a piece I wrote for my brother, Alan, and this is also the first time I mention a name on my blog. Rightfully so, that it be the man who has influenced me the most other than God. How blessed I am to have him in my life. I know we don't always get along but he has always been the best big brother any kid could ever ask for. He always been such a role model for me. I know I didn't finally accept Christ until 3 months ago, but he was the one who has influenced me through his actions to apply Godly principles in my life. I was a punk growing up, and he helped me grow away from that. 

When my mom was sick, he was my mom's rock. He was the words of comfort. His faith was in our God, and he shared with everyone that if we had Him everything would be alright. He doesn't know, but seeing that faith of his, made me realize I needed to change how acted. He was the seed to make me realize I was missing something. Even till this day, the way he stands for what he believes in is a true inspiration to me. Looking back at him then, truly empowers me to be who I am through the power of Christ.

He doesn't know any of this, and I hope one day he'll read this. He means the world to me. It broke my heart one day when I was younger when he said, if we weren't brothers, that we wouldn't even be friends. That killed me, because I love him so much. I know that statement isn't true anymore. He doesn't know but he is my best friend. I know at the end of the day he is all I have, and my sister too. I know he probably doesn't think he means that much to me, but you do. I have some of the best friends in the world. My friends truly are special, and are like family to me, but my brother is the most important thing in my life.

It kills me to see him the way he is now, because of who he was before. I'm not sure what happened, but I pray to God to help him through whatever he is going through inside and bring him back to You. I miss my old brother, he still inspires me but I know he is better than where he is at right now. He is the best man I have ever met. The heart he has is beyond anything I've encountered in anybody else. His intelligence is mind-blowing. His passion for the things he loves is immense. I just pray he makes his way back to his first love, Jesus. 

My goal is to do what he did for me. He helped me get away and start heading towards meeting my potential as a real man. I owe it to him to show him through my life that he is better than who is right now. I don't doubt that my brother is a child of God, his faith and morals is stronger than most people I know. But he deserves so much better than where is at right now. 

I know you probably won't read any of this, but Alan I love you. Thank you for everything you have done for me. You have been more than a big brother, but the truest of friends. You are beyond a great man. I hope one day I can be like you and have the heart of gold that you have. I loathe to be as intelligent and wise as you one day. I thank God everyday for you. You are a blessing to me and to everyone who comes in contact with you, and I pray that you see that. I pray that you realize God wants to use you again. I pray that you fight through the rut you're in. I pray that you come back to actively serving Him, because you are a vital asset. He loves you, and I do too.

Thank you to all my friends and family. I love you all.

with love as always,

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