Well, these last few days have pretty rough yet amazing for me. I originally had typed out a blog on Sunday morning, it was about 2 pages in length, but I accidentally deleted it. I won't lie I was upset at first, then happy. I'm glad because it was probably something I should not have posted. It was a lot of rambling and packed with passion and emotion, which in the end probably would have made no sense to anyone.
So I'll start with this, this weekend I experienced quite the tragic loss of my beloved grandfather Manolo Formigo. This hurt, and to be honest I haven't stopped tearing up since Sunday 03:13 a.m., and I'm tearing up right now writing this blog. I finally let it all out Sunday night, in perfect fashion. I made the poor decision of sitting alone and listening to an emotional song, only to turn and see a photo of my abuelo. I broke, I lost it. It hit me. He was gone. I had held up so strong despite my tears and emotions here and there. I was able to be a rock for my grandmother and my fellow family members, something I had never been capable of doing. But I hadn't truly let it out and grieved my lost. Despite the peace of the Lord being in me, my human side still had the emotion of sadness. I weeped like never before for a solid 20-30 minutes. But I say in perfect fashion because of what followed. A group of people that God has blessed me with were able to be there for me. They were able to hold me, hug me, kiss me, comfort me, encourage me, and simply allow me to let it all out. I wasn't the same that night, I went to bed at like 9:30 p.m., which for those who know me know that doesn't happen. But here is the beauty, I slept so peacefully. I slept almost 12 hours, and woke up with a joy. A joy for the Lord, for He is great.
Thanks to a friend's helpful words (or writing lol), the night my grandfather passed away, I came to learn that I should "rejoice, in all things rejoice". It is kind of crazy that night, I actually prayed for the Lord to have His will carried out. In basic short summarizing, I said Father, Your will be carried out tonight. I ask that if need be, to take my grandfather to be home with You. I love You. And just allow Your light to shine through this dark time, and allow me opportunity to shine Your light. And does He answer prayer or what.
These past few days scream His name. They shout His praise and glory. Go ahead, wonder how I can feel this way in a time like this and I can answer quickly with two words. Jesus Christ. He IS the difference. I truly feel the last 2 months have been a preparation for me to handle this situation. I think He presented me the opportunity and opened my heart to come to know Him, so that I would be able to grow in Him to handle this. I'm not the same man I was 2 months ago. This isn't me bragging or tooting my horn, it's me simply praising God for the work He is and has done in me, this poor excuse for a tool of the kingdom. Again wonder, how I can I say that God prepped me so I can go through tragedy. Truth is, He did. Everything in my life, points to it. I have an understanding of God's grace and when we need most because of a conversation I had with a former teacher (check earlier post). I gave up a weakness in alcohol, so it would no longer be an answer to my problem. I have removed the things that would hinder me from seeking Him when in the past I would resort to foolish remedies.
I look back as to how I handled my past experience with my grandfather, when he got the pacemaker. I was broken in pieces. I cried uncontrollably alone on the floor outside in a corner of Kendall Regional Hospital. I went home and sipped on the bottle of the beast. I relied on the booze to get me through the night. Now I get drunk off of God's word and worship. That's the difference. This time around, I was strong, I was rooted in Him, and He granted me peace, courage, strength, comfort, wisdom, and love. I look at how beautiful me, my family, and my amazing friends handled the situation. A few of them were able to come support me that night, and it was greatly appreciated. My family was able to come together in Him, and worship Him in a time when most would never think to do so. There we sat in the conference room, in a time to grieve what was about to be at hand, and we WORSHIPPED Him! If this doesn't scream the power of the grace of God, then I'm not sure what does.
So I praise Him. I thank Him. He is my Dad, my Lord. And I don't think I could be prouder to say that. I know I'm going to leave this trial a stronger Christian and a stronger person in general. Lord and I thank You for that.
This won't be the last of this topic. I definitely have a lot more I will share about these past few days. I asked God to give me opportunity to show His light in this darkness and He is giving me that exactly, so I'll take advantage of that.
So for now, and as always.
I appreciate the prayers and thoughts for me and my family. To all my friends that have supported me in every fashion and just simply overpowered me with love, I thank each and every one of you. I love you all! <3